I wanted to sit here and just type.  About myself, about my family and friends, about my health, about me.  And what a problem I fell I am.  It's all just self image issues I've always had.  I feel like that no matter what people say, I'm more of a burden and an annoyance to the people around me than the opposite.  Funny side note, I haven't typed this much at once in a long time and I'm backspacing a lot.  The cancer probably started as early as 2014 but the way I described it to everyone made it seem like I haven't been dealing with it as long.  I just never cared.  Whatever was wrong would kill me eventually.  And though I have no strong will to die or anything, I just wish sometimes my existence would end.  I'm so tired of being tired.  People say that I just have to keep doing things and my energy will come back, up your meds and you'll feel better, etc...  I don't even have the energy to start building energy.  Everything I do feels like it takes all the effort I have.  Sometimes people are sympathetic and understanding but when I gets in the way of what they want suddenly I'm made to feel like I'm not doing enough or trying hard enough or just plain worthless.  Over time this feeling starts to wear on your initiative and gumption.  You just start feeling like "what's the point?" and then the slope gets even steeper.  I don't know what I'm trying to accomplish here.  I just need to look at my thoughts in front of me.  I have a lot to be thankful for.  And I am every day, really.